TFD
It's a blurry memory
Because of wasted time.
I was young enough to remember the day
God was wrong
and blameless.
it's in the pit of my stomach
I can feel it's languid desperation.
...smell it's hazy smell
Just outside my five fingered reach.
It wasn't a battle.
It was end an of an angry war
of which
my siblings and I were casualties.
Who would be proud of the way
I forgot to breathe
and how quickly I stuffed
my forgotten feelings
into an overnight bag
What are feelings?
That's a question I still ask
myself.
I still think about that afternoon
or morning or whatever
time of day it was
If peace is a happy family,
then my feelings
are a puzzle
of which
I'm trying to peace
together
Again
forever.
Written for Weekly Scribblings #80: Sudden Moments at Poets and Storytellers United.
Disillusionment, especially to a child, can be hugely confronting indeed. I wish I knew which meaning of TFD you intend; Wikipedia gives several. Time Frequency Domain and Tales from the Dark Side might both fit. But in another way that's irrelevant, and I like the way the poem omits details of what causal event actually happened so as to focus on your reaction.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this with Poets and Storytellers United. I'd love to see more of your writing.
TFD stands for Twin Falls Divorce, but Tales From the Dark Side could have just as easily worked! Ha! Twin Falls references the city in Idaho, USA I lived in when my parents divorced. Thank you for your kind words. Feelings, and what I feel, will almost always be the most important idea I try to transmit to a reader through my writing. I will get some more poetry posted soon.
DeleteEndings can be so devastating.
ReplyDeleteI like how well the structure and tone of your poem work so well to show us the sense of loss and chaos. When things like this happen, the emotions are always so much more permanent and clear than specific details. I wonder if the brain muddles the memories in self defense.
Again, welcome to Poets and Storytellers United, Jack.
Thank you Magaly. I think the brain does muddle our memories. I think it can be in self defense, but I also think that time has a way of eroding them as well. These faded memories are good reminders for me of our fallibility.
DeleteYou so well relayed the end of youthful innocence that results in such breach of trust. (I'm translating TFD into the current urban The F'n Dad. Correct me if I'm wrong!)
ReplyDeleteYIKES! That's supposed to be The F'n DAY! Sorry about the typo.
ReplyDeleteThe F'n Dad made me chuckle. It's more true then you know! It stands for Twin Falls Divorce. twin Falls, ID is the town I lived in when my parents were divorced.
DeleteHa! The F'n Dad could apply in my case, too. (I also wrote about the effect of my parents' divorce.)
Delete(Also see my reply to your comment on my piece.)
DeleteSuch a sense of loss in this.
ReplyDelete